Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You're completely useless in the revolution.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
