Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
