i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
