he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
