Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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