hotel room ftw
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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