also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Let's get the cat blown out
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
