There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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