After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
