Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
