You're my little dorito
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
