ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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