i already hear my dad disowning me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
