I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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