when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
