I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
