Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
