My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize