My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
