She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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