She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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