you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
