I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
