One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize