dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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