Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
