Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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