Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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