Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
