and i looked up. we had an audience...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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