she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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