what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
