How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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