Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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