then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
