It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
