you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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