My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
