I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize