She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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