I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize