We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
