I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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