We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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