Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
