my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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