Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
