I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
