so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
