i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
tell me about the eggs
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
