She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize