my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Quick, to the slutcave!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He? As in you personified your dick?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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