you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
