The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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