I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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