I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
