If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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