You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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