So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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