Will you blow on my dice?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
