She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
