i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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