If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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