Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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