hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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