Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
