I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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