i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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