What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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