I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
