I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
