you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
