I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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