So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
