Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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