If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need water and some morals
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
