I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
