She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
