My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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