i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
