He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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