Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
