she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
